ENTRY #2 | 20:59
I got to sleep in Jax’s home tonight. I set it under a guise of a sleepover. I find it interesting how they don’t know what that is. A lot of childhood things that are normal to know aren’t known by them. That’s fine, I don’t mind teaching them, but it’s odd. Some part of me hopes that it’s not because of how they’re raised.
I wonder if that doctor is the same. I haven’t gotten the guts to talk to them. I don’t want them to start doing more and more terrible things to them because I started asking personal questions like “hey! do you know what a sleepover is? How about what’s your deal with Knight?” I feel like that’s a one way trip to absolute doom and despair. I don’t know if I could experience getting my guts ripped open again. It still makes me queasy
I feel odd in someone else’s bed. I haven’t slept in the same bed with someone since I was with my cousins having a sleepover. So like four years? I was seventeen four years ago? Time is so short in hindsight. I feel so comfy, I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes me happy that they trust me. It makes me happy that I can trust them, that I can trust someone.
I feel happy right here, even if I’m just sleeping beside him. It’s a comfort that makes me happy. Also, he says he doesn’t like to sleep alone, so I guess I’m comforting him as well.
I don’t know if I have the heart to confess. It’s weird, I want him to meet me. Maybe it’s just me wanting to experience something that I’ve never experienced before, but I feel like I’m always the first one to confess. We also seem to fit our needs quite well. I don’t know, maybe I should accept that this is a tiny world, and that maybe he is the one for me. I also should think logically and realize that I met this guy like a couple weeks ago, so. There’s also that.
Even though we’ve gotten so close to each other, I feel like it’s scary, undeserving in some parts. Maybe I’m overthinking it, maybe I just want to be loved because I’m falling apart, or maybe the stars aligned for us to meet somehow. Either way, I’m getting out soon enough
I wonder if that doctor is the same. I haven’t gotten the guts to talk to them. I don’t want them to start doing more and more terrible things to them because I started asking personal questions like “hey! do you know what a sleepover is? How about what’s your deal with Knight?” I feel like that’s a one way trip to absolute doom and despair. I don’t know if I could experience getting my guts ripped open again. It still makes me queasy
I feel odd in someone else’s bed. I haven’t slept in the same bed with someone since I was with my cousins having a sleepover. So like four years? I was seventeen four years ago? Time is so short in hindsight. I feel so comfy, I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes me happy that they trust me. It makes me happy that I can trust them, that I can trust someone.
I feel happy right here, even if I’m just sleeping beside him. It’s a comfort that makes me happy. Also, he says he doesn’t like to sleep alone, so I guess I’m comforting him as well.
I don’t know if I have the heart to confess. It’s weird, I want him to meet me. Maybe it’s just me wanting to experience something that I’ve never experienced before, but I feel like I’m always the first one to confess. We also seem to fit our needs quite well. I don’t know, maybe I should accept that this is a tiny world, and that maybe he is the one for me. I also should think logically and realize that I met this guy like a couple weeks ago, so. There’s also that.
Even though we’ve gotten so close to each other, I feel like it’s scary, undeserving in some parts. Maybe I’m overthinking it, maybe I just want to be loved because I’m falling apart, or maybe the stars aligned for us to meet somehow. Either way, I’m getting out soon enough